Teachers Beware - The Drive Home

Here's a quote, a resource, a book, and an affirmation to help power you through the rest of the week.

Quote

"There are more things, Lucilius, likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality." — Seneca, Letters to Lucilius, Letter 13

The Replay

The bell rings, the kids leave, and the day is over. Except it isn't.

It follows you to the car. You replay the comment you shouldn't have made, the parent email with a tone you wish you hadn't used, the kid who rolled his eyes at you. By the second stoplight you've rewritten the conversation four times, and in two of the versions you win.

Teachers are required to make decision after decision all day long. The probability of upsetting someone is high. In fact, if you are doing things right, there should be someone unhappy with you. I can still remember some rough moments that occurred over eight years ago. Tough interactions take their toll. These are the things that are hard to shake off at the end of a school day.

Psychologists call this rumination. It feels like problem-solving, which is why it's so sticky. Mostly it's the same ten seconds on a loop, and every pass makes it a little bigger. Seneca had it figured out: the stoplight version of the day usually hurts more than the real one did.

Ethan Kross runs the Emotion and Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan, and his research turned up something simple, yet powerful. When people work through a bad moment using their own name or "you" ("Jeremy, why did that get to you?") instead of "I," they calm down faster and think more clearly. The shift creates a little distance. You stop being the guy stuck in the moment and start sounding like the colleague down the hall who's seen this a hundred times.

So the next time the replay starts, use your name. Ask what you'd tell a first-year teacher who brought you this exact story. Chances are it would be kinder and shorter than what you've been telling yourself.

Anyone who's painted knows the rule. Once a coat starts to set, you leave it alone. Keep brushing wet paint and you don't fix the streaks; you drag them, lift the edges, and leave marks that weren't there before. Most hard days are like that.

The coat's on. Let it dry. Tomorrow you can see clearly what actually needs a second pass.

From A Year of STRONG Practices

If you're following along in A Year of STRONG Practices, this is Week 10: The Three-Second Pause, which is about catching the gap before you react. This week's newsletter is its other half: what to do with the moment afterward. If you've tried any of the practices, hit reply and tell me which one. I read every reply.

Book

Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross. This is the research behind this week's idea, written for regular people rather than a lab. It's a good October read, right when the voice in your head starts getting loud. (As an Amazon affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Worth Your Time

• It's Not You. Why Classroom Behavior Is Harder Than It's Ever Been: for the days you're replaying a class that went sideways.
• Left Foot, Right Foot
• Why the future is human.
• Writing to discover what you think.

Now Repeat...

I can let today dry. I'll see it more clearly tomorrow.

P.S. October is a long month, and if you're feeling it, you're in good company. If this newsletter helps get you to Friday, become a supporter. It keeps this free for every teacher who needs it.