The STRONG Year

February Behavior Management: Understanding Dysregulation vs. Defiance

You’re standing there trying to decide—do you address this as a behavior problem or something else? And you’re exhausted, and February has already been hard, and you just need the class to function for the next 37 minutes.

STRONG Teacher Year: Behavior Management

Hello there, fellow STRONG Teacher. Share this with a colleague or two.

It’s a regular Thursday morning in February. A student who’s been mostly fine all year just threw a pencil across the room because you asked them to start their work.

Your first thought: “That was defiant. That was disrespectful. That deserves a consequence.”

Your second thought: “But they’ve never done this before. What’s going on?”

Here’s what actually helps.

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The Challenge: February Behavior Is Different

Behavior that was manageable in January is escalating. Students are more reactive, more shut down, more defiant. The strategies that worked in the fall aren’t working now.

Your classroom management feels exhausting because you’re constantly redirecting, constantly enforcing, constantly putting out fires. And the fires keep starting.

Here’s what most behavior management advice gets wrong in February: It treats all behavior as a choice. As if students are making conscious decisions to disrupt, defy, or disengage. As if the right consequence will fix it.

But February behavior often isn’t defiance. It’s dysregulation.

Defiance is a conscious choice to refuse or resist. A student knows what you’re asking, understands it, has the capacity to comply, and chooses not to. That’s defiance.

Dysregulation is when a student’s nervous system is overwhelmed, and they literally cannot access the part of their brain that makes good choices. They’re not choosing to misbehave—they’re struggling to regulate their emotions, their body, their responses.

In February, after months of being inside, reduced daylight affecting mood and energy, the cold making everyone more physically tense, and the relentless grind of school with no breaks in sight—most students are dysregulated more often than they’re defiant.

When you misidentify dysregulation as defiance, your consequences don’t work. Because you can’t "consequence" someone out of a nervous system state. You can only help them regulate.

The biological reality: The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and decision-making) goes offline when the nervous system is in fight-flight-freeze mode. This happens faster in children and adolescents because their prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet. It happens even faster when they’re tired, cold, stressed, or overstimulated—which describes most students in February.

When a student is dysregulated, they’re not “choosing” to misbehave. Their brain literally cannot access the regulation skills you’ve taught them. Consequences in this state don’t teach anything—they just escalate the dysregulation.

Most teachers respond to February behavior in one of two ways, both of which make it worse:

Response #1: Stricter consequences. If behavior is getting worse, the logic goes, you need to be firmer. More consistent. Bigger consequences. But if the behavior is coming from dysregulation, this just increases stress, which increases dysregulation, which increases behavior problems. You end up in an escalation cycle.

Response #2: Give up on boundaries. You’re tired. Students are struggling. So you lower expectations, let things slide, stop enforcing rules because it feels too hard. But inconsistent boundaries create more anxiety for dysregulated students, which leads to more dysregulation, which leads to more behavior problems.

There’s a third way. Assume dysregulation first, then respond accordingly.

The Strategy: The Behavior Assumption Shift

Stop asking “Why are they choosing to misbehave?” Start asking “What’s making it hard for them to regulate right now?”

This shift changes everything about your response.

Step 1: Learn to Recognize Dysregulation

Dysregulation shows up differently in different students, but common signs include:

Fight responses:

Quick anger or irritation over small things
Argumentative or oppositional when they’re usually compliant
Physical aggression (hitting, throwing, slamming)
Verbal aggression (yelling, name-calling, swearing)

Flight responses:

Shutting down, refusing to engage
Leaving the classroom or the activity
Avoiding eye contact, hiding face
Saying “I can’t” or “I don’t know” repeatedly when they clearly do know

Freeze responses:

Blank stares, not responding when called
Physical stillness or rigidity
Inability to make decisions (even simple ones)
Dissociation (student seems “not there”)

Here’s the key: If a student who normally functions well is suddenly exhibiting these behaviors, assume dysregulation. If multiple students are exhibiting these behaviors at once, definitely assume dysregulation—it’s not a sudden mass defiance conspiracy, it’s environmental stress.

Step 2: Provide Regulation Support First, Consequences Later

When you identify dysregulation, your first response isn’t discipline. It’s regulation support.

Regulation support looks like:

Movement: “Take a walk to the water fountain and back”
Sensory input: “Grab the fidget from my desk” or “Would squeezing this stress ball help?”
Breathing: “Let’s take three deep breaths together before we talk about this”
Space: “Do you need 2 minutes in the hallway to reset?”
Choice: “Do you want to work at your desk or at the table by the window?”
Lower demands temporarily: “Start with just the first three problems, then check in with me”

You’re not ignoring the behavior. You’re addressing the root cause first.

Once a student is regulated (which usually takes 2-10 minutes), then you can address what happened. “Okay, you’re calmer now. Let’s talk about what happened and what we’ll do differently next time.”

You might still have a consequence. But the consequence comes after regulation, not during dysregulation. And it’s teaching-focused, not punitive.

Step 3: Adjust Your Environment for Regulation

If you’re seeing more dysregulation in February (and you probably are), you can adjust your environment to reduce dysregulation triggers.

Increase movement opportunities:

Brain breaks every 20-30 minutes
Standing work options
Walking while thinking/discussing
Stretching between transitions
Quick physical games or activities

Reduce demands during low-regulation times:

After lunch is almost always low-regulation. Plan accordingly.
Late afternoon is also typically low-regulation.
Mondays and Fridays often require more regulation support.
Don’t schedule your hardest academic content during these windows.

Create regulation tools that are accessible:

Fidgets students can grab without asking
A “calm corner” with sensory tools (stress balls, playdough, weighted lap pad)
Visual breathing prompts on the wall
Movement cards (draw a card, do the movement: 10 jumping jacks, 5 arm circles, walk to the door and back)

Build in more sensory input:

Music during transitions
Dimmed lights during independent work
Options to work in different physical positions
Tactile materials when possible

Step 4: Communicate the Shift to Students

You don’t have to announce “We’re now a dysregulation-aware classroom!” But you can normalize regulation support.

“Sometimes our brains and bodies get overwhelmed. When that happens, consequences don’t help—what helps is resetting. So if I offer you a break or suggest you move or ask you to breathe with me, I’m not ignoring what happened. I’m helping you get to a place where we can actually talk about it.”

You can also teach students to recognize their own dysregulation: “You seem really frustrated right now. What would help you reset so we can solve this problem?”

Over time, students learn that asking for regulation support is not only allowed, it’s expected. “I need to walk” or “Can I have the fidget?” or “I need a minute” become acceptable requests.

Step 5: Know When to Hold Boundaries

This approach is not permissive. You still have boundaries. You still have expectations. You still have consequences when appropriate.

The difference is you’re distinguishing between:

“This student is dysregulated and needs support” (response: regulation first, then conversation)

and

“This student is calm and choosing to break a clear boundary” (response: consequence that teaches)

If a student is regulated and still choosing to disrupt, that’s when traditional behavior management applies. Clear consequence, calmly delivered, focused on learning and relationship repair.

But in February, most behavior problems aren’t coming from calm, regulated students making bad choices. They’re coming from overwhelmed nervous systems. And those require a different response.

Why This Works

The Research:

Polyvagal theory (developed by Dr. Stephen Porges) explains how the autonomic nervous system responds to perceived threat. When students feel unsafe—physically, emotionally, or socially—their nervous system automatically shifts into survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze). Higher-order thinking and self-regulation become inaccessible.

This isn’t a choice. It’s biology.

Dr. Bruce Perry’s work on trauma and the developing brain shows that “regulate, relate, reason” is the necessary order for addressing behavior. You can’t reason with a dysregulated child. You have to help them regulate first, reconnect relationally second, and only then can reasoning (which includes consequences and learning) occur.

Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) demonstrates that many students are carrying chronic stress that makes them more susceptible to dysregulation. Add February’s environmental stressors (lack of daylight, cold, routine fatigue), and their window of tolerance for stress becomes very narrow.

Dr. Ross Greene’s work on Collaborative Problem Solving emphasizes that “kids do well if they can.” When they’re not doing well, it’s usually because they lack the skills (including regulation skills), not because they lack the will.

The Philosophy:

This is Stoic awareness—the ability to distinguish between what you can control and what you can’t.

You can’t control that students are dysregulated in February. You can’t control their nervous systems or their stress responses. You can’t control the environmental factors (cold, dark, no breaks) that contribute to dysregulation.

But you can control how you respond. You can control whether you interpret behavior as defiance or dysregulation. You can control whether you provide regulation support or only consequences. You can control whether you adjust your environment to reduce dysregulation triggers.

Marcus Aurelius wrote: “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” You don’t have power over whether students are dysregulated. But you have the power to decide whether to respond with regulatory support or escalation.

💡

Understanding dysregulation vs. defiance is one piece of sustainable behavior management. Inside The STRONG Teacher’s Lounge, you’ll find complete frameworks for managing February’s unique challenges without burning out. Join The STRONG Teachers Lounge.

How It Looks in Practice

Ms. Chen, Kindergarten

Ms. Chen noticed that her afternoon transitions had become chaotic. Students who lined up smoothly in the morning were pushing, shouting, and melting down by 2pm.

Her initial response was stricter consequences—losing recess time, names on the board, stern talks about “using kind hands.” It didn’t work. If anything, behavior got worse.

She shifted her assumption. These are five- and six-year-olds who’ve been inside a classroom for six hours in February. They’re not choosing to push—they’re dysregulated.

She made three changes:

First, she added a 2-minute movement break before every afternoon transition. “We’re going to line up in a minute, but first let’s do our wiggles.” Students shook their bodies, jumped, stretched. Then: “Okay, show me your calm line-up.”

The movement gave their bodies a regulation outlet before the transition. Pushing decreased dramatically.

Second, she created a “reset spot”—a corner with a bean bag chair, a visual breathing poster, and some sensory toys. Any student could go there for up to 3 minutes without asking. Not as punishment—as regulation support.

She taught it explicitly: “Sometimes our bodies feel too much. When that happens, you can go to the reset spot, calm your body, and come back when you’re ready.”

Students used it. Usually for less than 2 minutes. They’d squeeze a stress ball, take some breaths, come back regulated.

Third, she stopped having difficult conversations in the moment. If a student was escalated, she’d say: “You’re really upset right now. Let’s both calm down, and we’ll talk about this in 5 minutes.”

Five minutes later, the student was regulated. The conversation was productive. She could teach the actual skill they needed (asking for help, using words, taking space) instead of just punishing dysregulation.

February afternoons are still hard. But they’re manageable. And she’s not ending every day depleted from behavior battles.

Mr. Thompson, 6th Grade

Mr. Thompson’s 5th period was a disaster in February. Students talked over him, refused to start work, got into conflicts with each other. He was exhausted.

He tracked the behavior for three days and noticed a pattern: It wasn’t particular students. It was all of them. And it was worst on Mondays and right after lunch.

Dysregulation, not defiance.

He adjusted the structure of 5th period entirely. Instead of starting with whole-group instruction (which required students to sit still, listen, and regulate their social impulses), he started with 10 minutes of physical movement.

Sometimes it was a quick game. Sometimes it was stations where they had to move between tasks. Sometimes it was collaborative work that let them talk and move. But always: movement first.

After 10 minutes, students were more regulated. Then he could teach.

He also created an “exit and reset” protocol. If a student was getting escalated, they could use a hand signal (touching their shoulder) to ask for a hall break. No explanation needed. They’d step out for 2 minutes, come back when ready.

He was nervous students would abuse it. They didn’t. They used it when they actually needed it, came back regulated, and rejoined class.

For the students who were chronically dysregulated (usually the ones with the most home stress, the most trauma, the hardest February), he started checking in individually at the beginning of class. “How are you walking in today? What do you need to be successful?”

Sometimes they needed to sit in a different spot. Sometimes they needed the fidget. Sometimes they just needed him to know they were having a hard day so he wouldn’t take their behavior personally.

Those 30-second check-ins prevented hour-long disruptions.

By mid-February, 5th period wasn’t perfect. But it was functional. And he wasn’t dreading it anymore.

Dr. Washington, High School English

Dr. Washington teaches 11th grade English. Her students are old enough to regulate themselves (theoretically), but February revealed that theory doesn’t match reality.

She had students who normally participated actively now sitting silent, hoods up, heads down. She had students who were normally on-task now scrolling phones, staring out windows, doing anything except the work.

Her first instinct was to call them out. “Put the phone away.” “Pull your hood down.” “Why aren’t you working?”

It created tension. Students got defensive. She got frustrated. Nothing improved.

She shifted to curiosity. Instead of assuming defiance, she assumed dysregulation and asked: “You’re not usually like this. What’s going on?”

Sometimes they’d talk. Sometimes they wouldn’t. But the shift from “stop doing that” to “are you okay?” changed the dynamic.

She also adjusted her expectations for engagement in February. Instead of requiring participation from everyone every day, she shifted to: “If you’re having a hard day, you can just be present. Listen, observe, rest your brain. You don’t have to perform.”

Paradoxically, removing the pressure to participate led to more participation. Students who felt safe to opt out often opted back in once they felt less pressured.

She created a regulation menu on the board:

Need movement? Grab the hall pass for a 2-minute walk
Need sensory input? Fidgets in the basket
Need less stimulation? Headphones for independent work
Need space? Work in the hallway (door open, visible)

Students could self-select regulation supports without asking permission.

She also stopped assigning weekend homework in February. She realized that dysregulated students weren’t doing it anyway, and guilting them about it just created more stress. She shifted: “Everything we need to learn happens in class. If you want to practice at home, here’s optional work. If you need a break, take it.”

Her students still learned. They still wrote essays, analyzed literature, had discussions. But the rigid structure that worked in October didn’t work in February. She adapted.

February is still hard. But her classroom is a regulation-supportive environment now. And that makes everything else possible.

Troubleshooting

“How do I know if it’s dysregulation or defiance?”

Ask yourself: Is this student usually capable of regulating, and are they currently in a state that makes regulation harder (tired, stressed, overstimulated, hungry, cold)? If yes, assume dysregulation.

Also ask: Are multiple students exhibiting similar behavior? If yes, it’s environmental dysregulation, not individual defiance.

When in doubt, treat it as dysregulation first. Worst case, you offered support to a student who didn’t need it. Better than punishing a dysregulated student.

“What if students start using ‘I’m dysregulated’ as an excuse to avoid work?”

Most students won’t. The ones who might are usually the ones who are chronically stressed and actually do need more support.

But you can still hold boundaries. “I hear that you’re having a hard time. Let’s get you regulated, and then we’ll figure out what you can do today.” You’re not eliminating the expectation—you’re making it accessible by providing support first.

“This feels like I’m lowering standards.”

You’re not lowering standards. You’re meeting students where they are so they can actually reach the standards.

A dysregulated student can’t do high-quality work. Help them regulate, and then they can meet your expectations. Skip the regulation support, and they’ll fail to meet expectations—not because they’re defiant, but because they’re not capable in that nervous system state.

“I don’t have time to provide all this individual regulation support.”

You’re already spending time on behavior management. This approach shifts where that time goes.

Instead of spending time on consequences, conversations, and escalation cycles, you spend 2 minutes providing regulation support upfront. It’s actually more efficient.

Also, the environmental adjustments (movement breaks, sensory tools, regulation menu) reduce the number of students who need individual support.

“What about the students who are calm and still choosing to break rules?”

Those students still get consequences. The point isn’t to eliminate accountability—it’s to make sure you’re applying consequences to students who are actually in a state to learn from them.

A regulated student who chooses to break a clear boundary? That’s when you use your normal behavior management. Calm consequence, teaching-focused, relationship-preserving.

“My admin won’t support this approach.”

Frame it as “meeting students’ needs so they can learn” rather than “letting students get away with misbehavior.”

You can also document: “Student was dysregulated. I provided regulation support (2-minute break, movement, sensory tool). Student returned to class regulated and completed work successfully.”

That shows you’re managing behavior effectively, just with a different approach.

Try It This Week

Here’s your starting point:

Monday: Notice behavior through a dysregulation lens. When a student misbehaves, ask yourself: “Are they dysregulated or defiant?” Just noticing is the first step.

Tuesday: Try regulation support once. One student, one moment. Offer a break, suggest movement, provide a sensory tool. See what happens.

Wednesday: Add one environmental adjustment. A 2-minute movement break. A fidget basket. A calm corner. Just one thing.

Thursday: Notice if behavior is different. Not perfect—just different.

Friday: Decide what to keep, what to adjust, what to try next week.

This isn’t about overhauling your entire behavior management system in one week. It’s about shifting one assumption and trying one regulation support. That’s Kaizen. That’s sustainable.

Start there.

You Can’t Consequence Someone Out of Dysregulation

The system tells you that good behavior management means strict, consistent consequences. That if students are misbehaving, you need firmer boundaries and bigger consequences.

The system is missing the point.

You can’t consequence someone out of a nervous system state. You can only help them regulate, then teach them what they need to learn.

February is hard for students too. They’re tired. They’re cold. They’ve been inside for months. They’re dysregulated more often than they’re defiant.

When you respond to dysregulation with regulation support instead of punishment, behavior improves. Not because you’re being “soft”—because you’re being accurate about what the student actually needs.

You’re not lowering standards. You’re making standards accessible by meeting students where they are.

That’s not weakness. That’s skill.

The dysregulation vs. defiance framework is one of many sustainable behavior management strategies inside The STRONG Teacher’s Lounge. Each month, you’ll get practical tools grounded in research and philosophy—not just theory, but strategies that work in real classrooms with real students.

Inside the Lounge, you’ll find: