Stop Spending Energy on Problems That Don't Belong to You

We recently had the annual Senior Celebration at our school. All the seniors who went to our school returned for an assembly in their honor. I'm grateful I get to see how they have grown since I had them in 8th grade. This year is also bittersweet as my oldest daughter is among those graduating 🥲.

Events like these highlight the importance of rituals and rites of passage and their positive impact on school culture.

What are some of your favorites at your school? Share them in a comment at the end of this newsletter.

Now, let's get to it.

Here's a quote, a resource, a book, and an affirmation to help power you through the rest of the week.

QUOTE

"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." — Epictetus

RESOURCE

The Exhausting Project of Controlling Everything

There's a specific kind of tired that comes not from working too much, but from trying to control too much. You know the feeling — it's the Sunday night dread that isn't really about Monday, it's about everything Monday might bring that you can't predict or prevent. It's the parent email you keep rewriting because the tone isn't quite right. It's the lesson plan you're still adjusting at 10 pm for a class that starts at 8 am.

That's not dedication. That's the N pillar missing from your practice.

The N in STRONG stands for "No to Perfectionism" — and it's built on one of the most useful ideas Stoicism ever produced: the dichotomy of control. There are things within your power (your preparation, your response, your attitude) and things outside your power (how students show up, what the administration decides, whether the technology works). Most teacher exhaustion lives in the gap between those two categories — energy spent trying to control what was never yours to control in the first place.

Try it this week — the N practice:

Take one thing that's been draining you. Run it through two questions:

Is this within my control — meaning my direct action can change it?
If yes, what's one thing I can do? If no, what would it look like to set it down?

Not forever. Just for today. Setting something down isn't giving up — it's refusing to spend energy on a problem that doesn't belong to you.

Research on teacher perfectionism is sobering. Studies consistently link it to higher rates of burnout, emotional exhaustion, and early career exit — not because perfectionists don't care, but because they do. The care is real. The cost is unsustainable. No to perfectionism isn't no to caring. It's no to the belief that caring requires controlling everything.

BOOK

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown - Brown's research on shame and worthiness connects to teaching in ways that are almost uncomfortably specific. Her framing of "letting go of who we think we should be" as an act of courage — not weakness — is something most teachers need to hear more than once. Check it out.

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